Saturday, April 14, 2018

Twisted Like Human Origami in Search of a Finer and Enduring Template.

Dog Poet- incomprehensibly still- Transmitting.......

(skipping Petri Dish for the more appropriate Origami)

I thought I had been through Hell before and, no doubt I have. Hell, however, is a place defined by degrees. At extremes of itself, it would be unrecognizable by comparison with the examples. This I have recently experienced and it has covered the days between Friday last week and Saturday today.

As some of you may remember, I had a kidney stone a few years ago. The one I had was six millimeters and the doctors said I could not pass it; I would need surgery. I had gone to see the doctor at a clinic where others were recovering from such surgery and I saw them walking around with those IV apparatuses. They each had a bag containing some amount of bloody fluid. It is apparently an iffy operation. I told myself, “I can't do this.” and mused that there must be a way otherwise. So... I spent the next 3 days, jumping up and down, drinking massive amounts of Pepsi Cola and eating jars of asparagus, like the kind you see preserved in some sort of liquid on grocery store shelves. I passed the stone. Occasionally afterwards, I would feel another but it seems that the large one I passed made further passage much easier. Somewhat paranoid about the pain of another experience; there are no words really to describe the intensity of it, I have been, for some while taking a host of Ayur-Vedic powders and capsules to dissolve any remainder and- on the Thursday previous, I drank an entire small bottle of a kidney stone tincture, possibly generating what happened to me.

I had been having, off and on over recent years, serious bouts of pain from my gall bladder. I had seen the pictures of the two large stones resident there that would not possibly pass. These attacks would last half an hour or so but... I always had the necessary pain medication to offset the experience. A doctor had told me I would need to have it removed because it could kill me. There were times recently that I begged for that to happen but it did not. On Monday I had it removed. I could have just had the stones removed but they could have reappeared.

The attack first started on the Friday 9 days ago. I went in and they gave me seriously insufficient medication. I was back on Saturday in dreadful pain. The people I encountered were sociopaths, indifferent and cruel individuals, unlike any in my previous encounters with the Satanic allopathic community. Hard as it may be to believe, they were mocking me and laughing at me and threatening to call the police if I did not shut up and telling me I could always go to another hospital. Although I had friends with me, there were some number of Garden of Gethsemane moments. It really was a protracted and excruciating series of “abandon hope all ye who enter here.” I will not dwell on the anger... the death of faith... what I consider my cowardice in the face of the challenge. There's no way to put into words what passed by for me in this time.

Of course, since I came in on Saturday night I had to wait until Monday afternoon for the surgery. Because of the war on Oxycontin, caused by a collective of despair... poverty and materialism, one must jump through incredible hoops to get access to this medicine, even if one is not an offender of it. I did not ever receive adequate amounts; having been in the hospital before and the memory of it very clear. They tossed me out the next day- Tuesday, with holes in my stomach from the laparoscopic operation and gave me the smallest amount of pain killers I ever remember getting. They gave me only 18 and that was gone in two days. All the superhuman efforts of my friends was to no avail and even when I did get another prescription the pharmacies said the previous one was meant to last until today. Finally today I got 20 more and immediately took four and all is well as it should have been but I am in America, where only the rich and influential can get whatever they want, whenever they want it, or the dealers and the like. Ordinary people, which I don't think I qualify as (grin) but in this case resemble, are screwed.

I'm living in the United States, probably better off in certain ways than I have ever been; in pleasant surroundings and with truly fine associates. I may not have much in the way of material goods but the character of my life has rewarded me with more sincere and faithful friends than most and I have more tools of my trade than ever before. It looks like a creative storm, the like of which I have never yet experienced, is on the horizon and I have been setting that up for some time. Perhaps what I went through has deepened my capacities as nothing else could have done. Pain certainly sharpens and concentrates the mind. I am disappointed in myself for not handling it all better. I was seriously angry with God, who seemed to be laughing at me as well, though we have sorted that since. Apparently when you are important to God you become equally important to the adversary. I don't know how true that is in my case but it's something to grab on to.

I've been told that removing the gall bladder can have a negative affect on what one can eat and how one tastes their food. I haven't noticed that. I don't live to eat in any case, even though cooking is one of my true passions and the love of it has assuredly honed my skills, especially of late. I'm rather surprised at that.

I really wanted to live in India. Unfortunately, as is often the case, I chose the wrong part of it to live in during my visit. I still don't know what happened to me there. I suspect Varanasi would have been a better fit. India is cheap, so that a poor man can live like a prince. It has competent medical practitioners, with the oldest and finest tradition known. Medications of any kind can be had without difficulty. It is a spiritual place. The food is off the charts! The people are splendid when they have been raised and educated properly. I count among my finest friends those with that lineage; Roy, Sukh and the wonderful Raquib. They are all wonderful for that matter, exceptional beings that are a rare find in the West.

Never before have I felt the awareness of the suffering that so many endure. Flashes of examples were moving through my mind all along the way. I hurt so bad it was unendurable and I have had a good portion of that by comparison with the majority. Added to this onslaught was the spiritual pain; the mocking and indifference, the cold, callous, Bolshevik-like psychopathy. Meanwhile, I know more about medicine and healing than the average allopathic practitioner. I should probably be more humble about this but I have ample evidence of it and many enduring witnesses; “physician heal thyself!” Slow down... visible.

On a positive note, I am brimming over with a confidence and a deeper sense of wider awareness that just wasn't there before. I feel capable of more than I ever have, should I get the opportunity to employ it. Still I am saddened by my weakness and the clear vision of my limitations and shortcomings. That hurts too. That really hurts. It doesn't take much for me to feel like I am a piece of shit, given that I was raised with those words and worse through the first 17 years of my life. It's something I am going to have to get over and certainly accounts for the various episodes of bad behavior on my part, now and again. I don't see much of that anymore ...but the memory lingers. I can tell myself I'm better than the herd, that I do care deeply and am earnest in my striving but that's not enough. There are those whose company I am not worthy to enter into and wish with all my heart that I were more like them. It is a hard tread up an ugly and treacherous mountain, with more waiting beyond.

I thought I had real courage and faith. When one can walk into the dark wilderness at night alone and take large amounts of LSD, maybe one can get a false impression, which is shattered at times like this.

Earlier on, I thought the world was going to change. Now I know the world does not change. We change and so our view and understanding of the world changes. I can't shake the idea that a mini golden age is going to come. It will come in the hearts of the few at first and in strategic locations. The force of it will penetrate all of the terminal resistance and ignorance that is a hallmark of times of material darkness. It seems so. I feel it for reasons I don't understand but it's strong and has been.

As the reader knows, I devour books, sometimes reading one a day. Recently I have discovered Louis L'Amour. I knew about him but had never read him. He's written more than 40 books, principally westerns and I've been reading them because I am keen to write a western containing my own Dostoevsky like examples of the mystical war within and the Les Miserables like conditions that can come, as well as some of the illustrative pictorial imagery of Hesse, Borges and others. Cormac McCarthy is a contemporary master I admire as well. In any case, I am nearly through with a book by L'Amour entitled “The Walking Drum” (certainly read at least the first couple of comments by other readers). It is not a western but takes place in Europe and Asia of the 13th century.

NEVER have I read a novel with such encyclopedic awareness of the history of the last couple of millennia. I have a passing knowledge of people and places mentioned and this book... this book teaches you, presents you with a compilation of references and explanations, character studies... words fail. I haven't enjoyed a book this much in I don't know when. It has been a joy and an education for me and I cannot imagine being so well informed and writing so well. It feels beyond my capacity in this life. Here I thought he was just a cowboy novelist and he is but man... it's like you are right there. You never know what you are going to find, if you take the trouble to look.

I apologize for putting this poor scenario before the reader. Hopefully there is something of value to be had for someone. It's been a shock to the system. I have no idea who I am. I am emptying my mind, hoping some merciful god or servant of the ineffable may fill it with the proper things. I would hate to feel like I have wasted my life until now but I can say with certitude and conviction that whatever time remains to me I will value and employ to the best of my limited abilities. Much love to you, one and all.

In closing, one piece of advice that has come clearly to me is that I think it fortuitous for the seeker, unless he is a madman like me, to embrace a tradition; Sufism, mystical Christianity or something that provides a structure and give a comforting system; proven in the lives of great examples, rather than (like I) pursuing an unknown God of no discernible provenance, moving from one perspective to another and both the deity and yourself remaining unknown as God is unknowable and incomprehensible. I don't know why I have added this. It keeps coming to mind of late.

End Transmission.......


Doug Pearson said...

Old Louie wrote more than 100 books in his time. Many years back I read all but a couple of them that I couldn't get my hands on. There's a lot to be learned from Louis.
One thing he wrote that I'll never forget is that when one is traveling to always look back because things have a different perspective when viewed from a different angle...Something like that. You get the picture...

Visible said...

Wow!!! no kidding. He has impressed me greatly though I have read only about a dozen now. The library here has about 40. I should have known there were more.

robert said...

Dear Visible,

This one shared your pain put into words. Glad to read your rebound!

Also am too familiar with the "seeing oneself as a disappointment" part of the psychic cage.

Recall the scriptural reference to the same deeply low self-perspective (the invidious comparison to the One, the extreme CONTRAST!) where the Christed human said: "Blessed are those who are not offended by the Son of Man"

Higher meaning:
It is expedient for spiritual growth to not be put off when your inner child comes knocking insistently and to learn to play with Spirit as quickly as humanly possible!!

Personal meaning:
Thank you for not judging this lowly human being before you, with the high expectations that the Presence of Son of man should be in a perfect temple!

Your heart is open for all to learn from and we thank you!

Ray B. said...

Wow, Vis, what an experience! My heart goes out to you. I had two teeth slowly-die a few years back, and the unremitting pain nearly brought me to my knees. Raw, physical pain is a Master of it's own... (All-God may be a bit of a sadist in not building-in an on/off switch for physical pain that we can toggle... Short of death, of course.)

On your hospital 'observations', your intense pain may have caused you to step-back into your etheric body. You can see/feel the true state-of-things from that level; the Knowing goes right past surface 'pretendings'. I am sure you have seen/sensed people who have seemed weirdly 'detached' after a car crash or traumatic experience; they are literally floating a few inches to a foot behind their physical body. (The bad guys know this; it is used in Monarch 'training'.) If you have done no spiritual training, you are just numb. If you are used-to that level, you can observe and reflect from that slightly-higher aspect. Might account for your hospital Knowings...
Vis: "Apparently when you are important to God you become equally important to the adversary."

Yep, that is my understanding and experience. Sounds like you just went through a 'testing ground' experience. Dark night of the soul and all that. Be easy on yourself; I imagine you did better than 99%+ of the population could. Confronting all-God in the 'pain mode' is not fun. Many people have 'fallen' at that time. (Most of us did, to get down-here.) I get angry at all-God many times a day. I take it as an honest reaction. If all-God is going to keep the deeper purpose of some 'event' hidden from me, he/she/it deserves an honest reply. Then, I get back to washing dishes. (I even have a phrase for those spitting-back times: "You must be proud... [sarcasm]" Probably doesn't do any good, but honestly needs to be said - coming-from an earth-plane perspective.)
India is interesting. No doubt, there are various spiritual-masters there. (And good people.) I met some, back in the 80s. I am curious whether there will be any further connections or re-connections either later in my life or at the end-of-embodiment boundary.
Vis: "Earlier on, I thought the world was going to change. Now I know the world does not change. We change and so our view and understanding of the world changes."

This may turn out to be the same thing, but I believe the world will actually change. I think we (humanity) went through a Tower of Babel moment. A downwards consciousness-shift. We were natively ESP-ish, and the process was broken as we 'fell' or were 'kicked'. This accounts for the breaking of common language and knowledge. Subsequently, we developed different languages, misunderstandings, 'my god is better than yours is', and the separation that allows war.

My experience is that there is a 'war in heaven' going-on (mostly done; we won) which will empower a reverse Tower of Babel moment. It will be interesting to see how that precipitates out...

Best Wishes,
Ray B.

Anonymous said...

Get some EDTA you prune. It will clean you out of everything contaminating you since you were a baby. It decontaminates everything from the gall bladder, spleen, kidneys, liver, brain, intestines, heart, arteries, down to the smallest capillary in your body. It will also decontaminate any cesium 137, depleted uranium, and other radio active isotopes from your body, so you can eat and drink whatever you want should america gets what it deserves more than anybody.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

You really ought not to call me a prune and ought not to capitalize all your words and tell me to cook my 'fucking food' and tell me to wait around for everything and let god do all the work for me; as if you know what you are talking about. I hate to judge or define you according to your own idea of what it all means or.. whatever the case may be. You really ought to not make it something other that what it really is. You can make it be what you think it is when it is something else other than what it is, when it's not. You can talk about EDTA or whatever you like, it is what it is- it is what it is- call it what you like, it is what it is.

Anonymous said...

Dear visdible didz, check this out:

Franz said...

"...and they gave me seriously insufficient medication."

Because they want you to buy Washington-Protected Afghan Deluxe.

No joke.

Every pain patient in the USA has been cut off for reasons that make no sense. Do not trust me on this, check, do a search like pain+patients+protest+DEA or something of the same.

Veterans of wars and industrial accidents, using morphine-like painkillers such as Vicodin and even codeine have been not only cut off, but treated by pharmacy people as if they are junkies. Worse, three physicians close to where I am have been threatened by the DEA via phone and email.

It's affecting millions of pain patients, 99 percent or more of whom are totally law abiding. Or were till just lately...

(The most draconian laws to curb pain prescriptions have been in Ohio where -- golly let's be shocked -- opiate overdoses have INCREASED ever since.)

There was already a suicide epidemic. They conflated it with painkillers to criminalize everybody using anything stronger than aspirin and booting up the stock of Private Prisons, Inc. Everyone I know sees the bumper crop of Afghan poppies last year as the CIA's new cash cow. Anyone in serious pain now has no choice but to go illegal.

As an industrial-accident veteran I feel for your pain, really do. But everyone else that discovers the latest Police State Strategy finds out the same way. When they truly need it.

We can help spread the word... we probably know it's useless.

Unknown said...

Hi Les,

Thanks for mentioning me in your very fine article, which resonates with the immutable truth. Louis L'amour is also one of my favorites. I've read most of his books including the historical novel you mentioned. Among his Westerns, "To Tame a Land" stands out and I have read it a few times.


D_Man said...

On Joy and Sorrow
Kahlil Gibran

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Anonymous said...

Here are all the books one can wish for and many more. 3,4 million they sat. Download and read.'Amour

Visible said...

Roy!!! What a true pleasure to hear from you!!! And... to know that you have read so much of Louis L'Amour, wow! I had known about him for such a long time and only just started to read him. To hear that you are reading him blows my mind.

I did not know that you have been coming to read my postings of late... truly a pleasure my friend. May the lord bless you!



Missing munich said...

Hi Les, very sorry to hear about your negative experience in our modern healthcare system (that gets me all riled up every single day I go to work). Pain is actually considered one of the vital signs, and should be adressed every time one sees their patients. Kidney stones and gallbladder attacks are considered one of the more painful ones, as is pancreatitis. I don't know which state you live in, or city for that matter, but one thing I have to say positively about the rural hospital I work at: we take pain seriously, and I personally would never deny any patient adequate pain control if the circumstances allow.
I think it is one of my primary jobs to educate patients about pain control and pain expectations. I can't make all the pain go away, but will try my best to make it bearable. Rural KY is one of the worse places hit with opiod abuse, and sometimes one gets mighty judgemental about people, especially if they test positive. And even though I often feel that my patients think my job description stands for refreshments and narcotics, I try to not judge them by what their labs tell me.
Any of the behaviour you describe as encountered by health personnel is unprofessional and appalling, and I am truly sorry it happened to you. It makes the rest of us look like incompetent and uncaring assholes as well. It makes no sense whatsoever why surgery wasn't done Sunday morning. And unless allergies forbid the use of morphine or dilaudid, any oral pain medication like oxy is not even considered preop for pain control, at least not where I work.
I hope you feel better by now, and can put this behind you.

Gute Besserung!!

Visible said...

Guten Abend Meine Freunde, Missing in Munchen. did I know that you were a doctor? Did you tell me and I simply forgot? Damn! I know so many people now and hear so many things that I forget constantly and sometimes even who it is that is writing me. I am sorry for that. Thank you for the heartfelt comment.

They did give me stronger medication after the operation but not much of it and not for long. These medical people were vipers except for a couple of exceptions; a Filipino doctor and a kind nurse. The rest were unforgettable in an unpleasant way. It was a learning experience and wound up making me feel good about myself because I would NEVER behave like that, not ever. I look like I am on the side of knowing and loving angels by comparison.

Thank you.

Love To Push Those Buttons said...

Sounds like my philosophy stands. Go holistic or get transfered to the next realm. Hey! No biggie. I consider this a prison, anyway.

You, Les Visible; are quite valuable. You are a TRANSDUCER with many words of wisdom for those seeking to evolve.

See ya at the Akashic Library!

Visible said...

Here we have the latest of Visible's Radio Broadcast.

Finding my marbles said...

Wow. It's heart wrenching to hear how heartbroken you feel from your experience. Praying for you as usual. Other than that, yup, i don't know what to say either. It's a miracle you've been so able to be in gratitude after all that. I wish you love and healing in abundance.
Buttons, I'm totally with you, but even so, there's that nagging dilemma about having a purpose here, while we struggle through the density (props to Ray B.). Still, finding the joy here and there at unexpected (though rare) times. Sick for 3 days (with something new? I'm rarely ill.), it was and is interesting to shift into reality detachment mode, and observe the public vibe, like in the grocery store. Planning to continue helps with perspective, and to sort out what's important from the old patterns and the unnecessary. Visible and all, may you be lifted from the mire, even as it seems we are in the midst of it, and may love finally fill this dimension and send the other crap back where it belongs.

Visible said...

A new Smoking Mirrors is up now-

Death by Hypocrisy and Demon Worship; the Israeli Way.

Visible said...

It looks like you found your marbles, along with some that weren't there before.

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear of your suffering good friend. I wish there was something I could do. May I simply say my heart is with you, and I believe in you, unlike my trust in allopathy and it's legal drug dealers

I'm glad you're feeling better :)


Anonymous said...

Sorry about your ever common experience, Vis.

Today's sickcare system:

formerly known as a hospital.
"Can't find Granny a bed pan,
but did you see the size of that atrium?
Gotta be 20 stories tall!"

Anonymous said...

You're not alone Visible; I see visions of old 1950-1940 Jewish gangsters. You know what you are somewhere underneath the fake / false / act being played out upon your identity; underneath that you are what you are, you aren't want you aren't.

Missing Munich said...

Hi Les,

I am not a doctor, "just" a nurse. And I totally understand your frustration. Hope things are progressing in a speedy manner.

Sending healing thoughts!!

Visible said...

You isn't; not the order of the day. It could be said another way. Once, cut the umbilical cord there are only two roads a man must walk. One is crowded with people pulling heavy luggage and a direct route somewhere. The other as you know is a road you walk alone but not without help. That road intersects there and can join the common road. Anyone who claims to say otherwise better hope for reflected light.

Visible said...

Nurses, usually, know more than doctors.

Anonymous said...

Amazing post. My heart goes out to you. I've had kidney stone once, Good Lord, the pain is excruciating, terrifying. I've had a radical Prostatectomy as well, (and it sure was not a walk in the park) but I thing I would prefer that horror over a large kidney stone.
Thankfully most of my doctor and nurses were good and sympathetic, but that sure is not always what I have observed. Yeah, I thought I was brave too, but....

I've read a book or two of Lamour's, he is good. Your mention of Borge's makes me smile. I was introduced to him by my "farmer Rishi" 50 years back. Still he is incomparable in my mind.
Reading Solzhenitsyn now, "Cancer Ward". He's great. In that book the Tolstoy story 'What men lie for' features strongly. Also his short story 'Where Love is, God is' is a must read. Both can be found for free on the net.
Solzhenitzyn sure knows about the 'jews'.

I like what you say about focusing on a known path to the Sacred. And I do.
But still, as always, Love itself, just Love alone, can carry us all the way.

Much love to you. -the beggar man

I refer you and all here to this..

Anonymous said...

Structured religion was put in place as a stepping stone to find our way back to our Creator, but it was never the final destination. The Father gives us milk because that is all babies can tolerate, the son gives us solids, such as the law, because we have matured, but the fully grown seeker reunites with the Holy Ghost so they can once again walk with God in the garden, just as humanity did before the Fall.

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost

Anonymous said...

Big oops. My bad.

It's 'What men live by' by Tolstoy.
Here it is, PDF.

-beggar without a clue

Visible said...

A new Petri Dish is up now-

The Devil is what we Thought was Real, When we Forgot that God is all that was Real.



Visit the recommended reading page for many more.


'I Need More Light' from the Les Visible Album
God in Country

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A classic Visible post:

With gratitude to Patrick Willis.

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