I promise tomorrow to have something dealing with whatever aspect of the whole my attention falls upon. But for today it is probably good to present something that deals with the writer, his conditions and the state of his mind at this time. At least that seems like a good idea to me.
I'm very heartened by the responses and the large body of emails I get. These days most of them seem to be about the blog; added in with my other ventures it comes to a goodly sum. Considering how off the beaten path I am it's encouraging. I've yet to even answer certain people from weeks before, but I will.
It's hard not to go full steam when the steam is so very present. I get these creative uproars a few times a year. They come and they go and when they're gone I have whatever is left from the harvest. For that reason I'm mainly focused on translating the recent downpour into product. Refinement of the product can be attended to with leisure but the initial wave has to be gathered in at the beginning. In the midst of this we are house-hunting for something in the Sintra area of Portugal and, to some degree in Southern France, where I'll be staying through May. During that time, blog entries may diminish. The house has nearly every amenity but a phone. I've been told I can go to the owners home for calls and internet- but I'm not the sort to advantage that kind of thing very often. I can write something to floppy and then transfer it but I'm sure I won't be doing it with great frequency.
The house has a sauna and I want to do a detoxification program while I'm there. You sit in a low heat sauna, say 140 to 160 degrees for five hours a day and it drains everything from your tissues. After a few weeks of this you experience a tremendous sense of revitalization. All of us carry toxins of all sorts in our tissues and they have an effect on our state of well being. I've been through a lot. I suppose all of us have. Certainly my lack of a clear vision and impetuous nature were responsible for a lot of it but that's neither here nor there. The point is to act upon all good information when you receive it, never mind about the past, and fully embrace what possibilities might be available for new growth and change. To that end I want to take my own advice and wash away, as much as possible, the ill effects of former stupidities and blindnesses.
I haven't had much luck with the more commercial aspects of life, whether that was in the artistic theaters where I operated, or in terms of applied business acumen to the end of achieving abundant capital. In one sense I ran from both of them. In another sense, what associations I had seemed always to bring me into contact with incompetent or venal mindsets. When seen from my particular vantage point of the moment it looks, by turns, funny and- on occasion- tragic.
Regardless of the results though, I've continued without thinking about it and have accumulated quite a body of work; certainly enough to keep a pickup truck from skidding on an icey road surface- if I don't go too fast. Along the way I worked at every kind of odd employment to finance my opportunities for creative output. Maybe there was a reason for this and maybe it will all prove useful to those who come across it. Maybe it will all sink like a tramp steamer in the Burmuda Triangle. That's not for me to say. Regardless of where any of it winds up I have no choice but to keep doing it. I'm not at war with myself over this. I know I missed out on a lot of the ordinary things that can make a life meaningful. At the same time, I have had adventures that have given me a perspective you don't pick up on the road more traveled.
A few years ago I was doing dinner theatre on Maui. The producer, a mortgage banker from San Francisco said to me, "Les, you need to start thinking about your retirement. You don't have anything. What are you going to do when you are faced with yadda yadda yadda?" I replied, "God will take care of all that." A few months later, when I was now performing in local clubs with my music, I started saying to my friends- or whomever might be listening, that I was going to go to Europe and do my thing over there. Out of nowhere a beautiful woman appeared and the correograph of what followed was amazing to behold. Within a month I was married (never married before) and after that I was in Europe where I remain to this day. One of my friends came to me and asked, "Les, how did you know? I thought it was just dreaming on your part and now you're leaving for Europe next week." Well, I can't answer that. The thing is, I rely on a certain thing to guide my life and it works! Now I would say that such things as retirement (something that will never happen anyway) and security are not a concern and don't look like they will ever be and I STILL have nothing- seen from a certain perspective.
Many people have faith in the existence of a God. In some cases they want to believe but their idea of 'what' it is that they believe in is not clear. I 'know' there's a God. I've had many, many instances of proof beyond question. Now I have not always acted as I should, but I have learned. As I learn, my capacity to dance more gracefully with the cosmic Fred Astaire has improved. As my moves have improved,so have my circumstances. There's a tiny, yet terrifying leap one must take within the privacy of their hearts. There is the appearance of risk that must be overcome. But really, is anything guaranteed? Does the possession of millions of dollars affect much besides one's capacity to worry over it and the temporary use of it? If you don't know how to enjoy yourself in the first place then what have you got? The real riches we have are in what we are, not what we have. Many a prince of the kingdom walks in ordinary circumstance- but within him is a fabulous garden of perceptions and feelings that no fine circumstance, or chemical can equal.
Now look what I've done. I was going to talk about something and wandered off down into the southern end of the property where I'm looking at my succulents. I'm real fond of succulents and I hope to have quite the collection one day.
Anyway, if I'm only here sporadically for the next few weeks I hope you will bear with me. I'm doing some things right now that I haven't attempted before. They're ambitious and take a lot of concetration since I don't have a natural gift for musical intricacies. It's like hauling brick in a hod up a ladder sometimes. Also, my book, The Dark Splendor, is going into a second printing and I've got to clean up errors that were overlooked the first time round. It's also going to be in bigger print with half again as many pages. Busy.
I've created another blog (how's that for the irony of not having time for this one on a regular basis?) called 'Smoking Mirrors'. You can find the link on the front page here. There's nothing there yet but I need a space where I can write the occasional rant and more passionate, inflamed sort of a thing. I've gotten so many letters about that. Some people are afraid I'll lose my edge. In fact, I would like to lose some of my edges and that's what I've been doing. However, I recognize now that I'm not all sweetness and light and that a portion of my abilities do have to do with heavier material. My chief concern should be if I'm telling the truth, not in dancing away from controversy. So, if you have been an appreciator of my comments on politics and social dysfunction then that is the place and I'll be contributing there too. Otherwise, for those who only like the more elevated metaphysics, you can just stay here.
Well, I've got to go back to work so I'll bid you adieu for now. I will put something up tomorrow no matter what. Thank you for coming by and all of your kind words. It gives real fuel to my ability to accomplish it.
'Some Lovers' is track no. 5 of 10 on Visible's 2006 album 'Songwriter'
Lyrics (pops up)