Dog Poet Transmitting.......
May you walk in beauty always.
How many times I sit down to write something and my life intrudes upon all that I have to say and that? That is how life is anyway. No matter who the writer is, they betray themselves in what they say and whatever the subject of their efforts is directed to. In some cases it expresses a passion of theirs and in other cases it reflects the manner in which they intend to make a buck. It usually has to do with how they make their way in the world; how they hope to make their way in the world, or the level to which they will go to keep on going.
My life has been a marvel of persistent difficulty for a longer reach than I have known in a good while and I have known some periods of persistent reach. As I reflect back upon the whole affair I can say that, except for brief interludes of momentary serendipity, that is pretty much all I have known. I guess at some point I must have figured that my life might serve to be a series of teaching moments concerning what to do and what not to do AND... we all pretty much do what we do regardless. Even when we know better. We do what our programming and our direction of interest demands. This is what I have always noticed about people and why some people find it difficult to be around me. I notice shit. If you say one thing and do another, I notice. In my own case, one might say, “Yes, he's erratic; some of his segues defy gravity”... maybe 'cause I have no gravity BUT no one... so far as I know can say I don't absolutely live as I speak and that can create problems being up close with others because... truth be told, most people don't. They cut corners, or whatever their reasons may be.
I notice stuff. I can't help but notice stuff; in myself, in others, I have to see because otherwise I am walking blind and I cannot abide that. I refuse to walk into the unknown with no eyes AND the moment that personal vanity intrudes, the moment that self interest intrudes, the moment that something other than truth rings your bell... you are dancing to a music that I myself become very still about... very still. I can't help myself. I literally have no choice. Decades go by and it never, ever, changes. I think that is why so many of us; and we are quite few to begin with, I think that is why some of us seem insane to most everyone else because having that kind of a measuring stick makes everyone else run like a scalded cat.
I've spent my first two weeks here talking to the geckos and lizards. Every life form looks like Poncho to me and so I speak in that special voice that I use when I talk to a dog. I can't transmit what that is and how it sounds in the written word. It's a voice that is a palpable thing. It is like touching. I've been spared a great deal. As an empath, it goes without saying that being separated from my Buddha Dog is a terrible thing. I feel him in my dreams and I see him in all of the curious lifeforms I encounter these days. The ineffable has given me separation. Otherwise I would nearly perish at the loss. Those of you who have had loyal four footed friends know what I mean. There is a kinship that cannot be transferred in understanding by mere words.
When I left Poncho, I got that accusatory stare which said, “How can you leave me. How could you?” You have to understand that not a moment in the day went by without us speaking, in our own way back and forth. The way he was thrilled and jumped up and down when he knew I was headed to the car and he was coming was something to see. Many times I have written here that I don't have anywhere the commitment and loyalty of my dog. My dog can't touch me intellectually but my dog dwarfs me when it comes to what is real and what matters. Compared to my dog I am a dysfunctional shit. Now... how does that happen? Wouldn't you think that with all my gifted abilities I could at least surpass my dog? I fail miserably by comparison. I fail completely. That is why he is my hero. If I could only, ONLY be as cool and real and faithful as my Ponch, I would weep tears of blood upon the unfeeling ground of this desolate age and make it sing the chines of freedom as time goes by; I guess that is some kind of musical double entendre.
I am sure that I owe an apology here and there, mostly because I had my eyes too fixed on the horizon than upon the intimate exchanges of the moment. To tell you the truth, I don't give a rats ass about making do with the people that I move here and there and back again with. I regret mostly that I was unable to articulate my sense of temporary loss and the sure and certain sense of our reunion to my four footed friends. It crucifies me to be unable to do this and so I speak now in my comedy voice to these geckos, these vari-coloured lizards and I Know that the coconut telegraph transmits my love to the only lifeforms I truly respect. As I write these words they are dying by the thousands; whole species are extinguished so fast that it is a blur. I have had a lot of good friends and probably more than most people but my little prancing and galloping and slithering and leaping friends are the most stalwart and true of all the relationships I have ever had in this life. I love my Devic Realm friends and Lord Ganesh has assured me we will all be together up the road.
For whatever the reason, I have been under brutal assault going on ten years now. To tell you the truth I no longer care if it ends tomorrow or never ends at all. I can handle it. In a certain sense I am an Arhat. We are like an elevator; no spiral or gradual up the hill roundabout... it's straight up and down. Intense progress means intense pain. It's just how it is. As ever though, given an icon, should I chose an icon, it would be Nipper, the RCA dog; his masters voice. I love my four footed friends. They are the epitome of love and sacrifice in this faithless age. They are so far past anything that I could aspire to in the here and now. Love for me is not about intensity or fireworks. It is about steady endurance and that steadfast certainty that Milton spoke about when he said, “they also serve who only stand and wait.” and as I remember... that had something to do with being blind.
Truth be told... I can endure separation. I can endure every departure and point of no return because I KNOW there is no real separation. I hold with Ramana on that; there is one self. I have experienced this over and over again. That single self that is like a vast mirror that has been shattered into millions of pieces and there comes the lord... gathering them all up in a basket... maybe it is Ceres with the wheat, I don't know. What I do know is that love is magnetic and it gathers all of its disparate parts together into the single whole. It is like Vishnu on the sea of milk. It is like yugas collapsing on yugas. It is like time so far beyond what the human imagination is capable of. It is why there were rishis in the dawn of the age. It is why there are vanished ages of illuminated light for which there is no historical record. It is probably why they burned Alexandria.
My friends... I am better off than I appear but it is always a trial. I will try to get a radio show together this weekend but my beloved Patriots might take the upper hand on that but I will try. Hang in there. I am... I am.
'Just Like a River' is track no. 9 of 11 on Visible's 2001 album 'God in Country'
Lyrics (pops up)
Spiritual Survival in a Temporal World
- 'An Exploration Toward the Ineffable'
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