Dog Poet Transmitting.......
May your noses always be cold and wet.
To understand something, sometimes you need distance and you need time. You need following events and corollary events. It's not just me that wants to, needs to, really would like to, understand. I think that is the case across the board, but the degrees and dimensions differ, as will the results. At the end of that fantastic SF film, Serenity, the hero and the assassin are talking. Had I been the hero, I would have invited the guy to come along and join us, especially since there is nothing else left for him. It would be a win win situation because all of the right elements are there and everybody prospers and profits in a real way, despite fundamental personality disorders (grin).
The hero let the assassin know that he would kill him if he saw him again and I am thinking, “why can't we be friends”? It's like Charlie Utter engaging Joanie Stubbs in conversation. There's more going on than “good morning”. Things happen to all of us. Some of them turn into the Acropolis and some of them aren't worth the memory. We got dreams and visions and we got flesh and blood, that's where we are at the moment.
I had some bad experiences in recent times. They could be defined as bad, given that not everyone is pleased with the results. Some of these things are on my head and some of these things are the result of invisible forces and some of it is other people's misconceptions which resulted in unfortunate outcome.
It should be apparent that I somehow manage to do certain things effectively. Maybe the problem in my particular case is that I push borders and boundaries in all sorts of ways. That can have an impact on the situation. The Japanese director, Kurosawa did a film called “The Outrage”. In this film there is evidence presented from different perspectives and that is kind of how this all appears to me.
I find myself to be like a Crackerjack toy in some respects. I show up in a box of cereal and it's always different. You might be delighted. You might be disappointed. If I had control of the situation there wouldn't be disappointment but... I do not. It's kind of like stepping into the Amazon at different points. It is definitely not the same river, depending on where you engage it. Since life is for the purpose of demonstration, something is always being demonstrated but that something changes depending on time, location and circumstance. Also, you have the river. You have people pushing the river. You have generators here and there. Some people read the river and some people just enjoy the river and for some, the river is a scary enterprise. It goes without saying that there are complexities to the whole affair and only the ineffable knows what's really going on.
I've had a couple of events in recent years having to do with the publication of my books where what is my usual way of happy motoring, turned into some kind of freak snowstorm that was not predicted on the weather channel. I don't know if it has to do with money, ideas, control, leverage, timing, personalities or any of the rest. All I know is how I am most of the time and then there are these times, which must somehow be dependent on the singularity of these times to a palpable degree.
It's not my nature to try to get myself off the hook. I generally prefer to know how and why in the first place. I find that I am different from most people. I very easily forget injuries, slights, offenses and whatever and do not carry these things with me on the river. I drop them into the river because the river knows where it goes. A couple of times in my life I helped some people out and for whatever their reason was, they tried to destroy me. All of these things worked out but I never did understand what it was that would have motivated something like that. I can resource the ancient propensities on humanity and find plenty but... I still don't understand it because it isn't something I would do. There are things I do which contribute to the things that happen and I am not unaware of them.
Recently, someone formerly in my blogroll, took me to task over my use of comestibles and what they perceived as unwillingness on my part to address satanism and a few other things. I should tell you that I didn't even read what got said. I'm not that interested in hearing what some people have to say about me. I don't avoid criticism, I would just rather it were direct. Indirect criticism is connected to vanity somehow and I don't like being vain. I didn't realize that I had some kind of contract to write to type according to certain people's tastes. I'm like that river. I just flow through the territory I am flowing through. I've certainly addressed satanism here and there, so I don't get that part of it. As for the comestibles, anyone who has spent any time around me knows that these things come and go. Sometimes they are around and sometimes they are not and sometimes can be a great while. Now, on the one hand, it's isn't nobody's business what I do in my life, if they are not in my life. On the other hand, if they are in my life, for a time, that is their business. I manage as best as I can.
Why I have recourse to certain things is easily explained. I am hungry for the ineffable. In that sense, I push the river but you must understand that the river pushes me too. I had a full blown kundalini episode earlier in my life; not the usual, occasional tremors and flashes experienced by most people but something that, once it happened, stayed full time active for almost 3 years. Then there were some periods when I didn't see that much of it. Recently it has come back in an alarming fashion over the last several years. I don't want alarming to sound too negative because there are massive benefits but there has also been, collateral damage. Thankfully, not the kind of damage we just saw in Afghanistan.
A relatively recent commentator called me to task on the issue of gay vs queer when I hadn't actually broached the subject but merely made mention of a force at work in coercing government policy. I don't know what to make of that either. That particular subject is of no interest to me except insofar as it is utilized as a weapon against certain prevailing cultural mores. I'm like Voltaire when it comes to that particular thing and you may be sure, since I do have an active kundalini, that I am well aware of it because kundalini is a goddess. She's female. I'm also pretty familiar with Saraswati. I encounter her every day and we have a working relationship. Given that I do have these relationships, with my invisible friends, one could surmise that my engagement of comestibles on occasion also have something to do with purposes of demonstration and facile and alert minds would and should make the connection between this and everything being under control. It may not look like it sometimes but in the aftermath, one can reflect back and see that none of their darker apprehensions actually ever broke the surface of the river or the china.
The reader can rest assured that what I can change about myself, for the better, I will change in a heartsbeat but... sometimes it is not in my hands and those who may be on the receiving end of certain things can certainly be forgiven for making assumptions and drawing conclusions based on only a certain window of experience. It stands to reason that if I were as out of it as some people, perhaps, think I am, I wouldn't still be around. There really is a method and a reason for everything. It might not be what we hoped for but the movie isn't over yet either.
As I said, I'm different than a lot of people in a certain regard. I can look at something and go, “wtf”? Then I can go right back to how everything was before wtf came in one door and went out the other. I don't throw people away just because we disagree or because something weird happened. I run deeper than that. As a result, I also have some very good friends who know the definition of the term.
I don't behave like Jackson Pollock, William Burroughs, Hunter Thompson or quite some number of other examples. I tend to catch more shit than they do, for less than they do, because other things are expected of me. However, you are getting those other things. They just don't come in the package that satisfies those who want everything safer and saner. You don't find the ineffable being safer and saner. The river has a whole lot to say about what goes down. If you had any idea of the degree to which I work to contain some things you would understand my dilemma. Still, since my master is benign and all knowing, I trust in the best resolution of whatever comes and I also note that the same thing never repeats. That's a given, for some reason. I don't understand it but I have observed it more than once in my life.
We are all on the river. We have guides. We have companions. We have events and moments. We have a Gormenghast apartment block that exists in places known and not even imagined yet. We should be working together, warts and all, for the good of the human race and for ourselves as well because we have to learn to love ourselves because we have made ourselves what we are, with the help of the divine and the hard hand of the diabolical and the unknown.
I'm trying to steer with the river, because the river is going to take us to the sea and then to what lies beyond. Greetings.
'Just Like a River' is track no. 9 of 11 on Visible's 2001 album 'God in Country'
Lyrics (pops up)
Last night's radio show is available for download at the radio blog.