Monday, September 27, 2004

A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to St. Peter.

The other day a poster in another forum did a little fundie scripture dance for me that involved that old saw, "judge not lest ye be judged". These days scripture gets tossed around the way rap insults do at a Hip Hop 'battle', which is usually the result of a 'call-out'. Scripsters whip out "so sayth's" and "lest ye's" and are met in mid air by "thereforths" and "whosoeverth's"; the collisions are spectacular, the carnage terrific.

I was told I wasn't in a position to judge 'the deathboy' (bush). It put me in mind of something that might happen when I came across St. Peter. Now mind, I've no intention of coming across St. Peter. My preference is to go the The Western Pure land of the Amitabha Buddha, or any of the Tantric heavens, generic Hindu heavens, The Himalayas or just hang around in the immortal Tao. I'm not going somewhere where they sing really bad hymn's and have rule books bigger than the Political Correctness Behavior manuals at your colleges, universities and government offices.

"Les Visible?"

"Yes Peter, that's me."

"I'm sorry visible but I'm not going to be able to let you in."

"Well, that's cool but... why?"

"You said a lot of bad things about people down below. Look at what you said about Hitler and Stalin and Mao, not to mention a number of the presidents of your own country and the list of entertainers and public figures just goes on and on."

"I wasn't supposed to say anything bad about Hitler?"

"Judge not Les, lest ye be judged. You could have found something to like in Hitler if you had looked. In any case, you could have kept your opinions to yourself. You don't know what kind of problems he had. And you were really mean to bush and the bush family"

"okay...uh, so, what do I do, do I go to Hell?"

"Of course not, that's where Hitler and bush and the rest of them are. I don't think that would work out. It says here you said something about wishing you had a chance to kick his ass, I don't think you want to go to Hell to do it. Do you?"

"No, Peter, that’s not on my mind any more. So, what do you suggest?

You can just go find one of those other Heavens. God's got a lot of mansions. I know you once mentioned something like that in one of your Fray posts."

"You read The Fray?"

"As a matter of fact, a great many of us used to tune in to BOTF and a few others, back in the day."

"Alright then Peter, you be cool and I'll head East."

"Right visible, let's do lunch sometime."

I make a dialing motion with my hand as I disappear into the clouds.

Of course, along with this came a variety of other ideas and one of them was The Ten Commandments. Now, I've broken every one of them I think and some of them multiple times. But those commandments give me pause because some of them seem redundant and some of them seem impossible.

Anyway, let's deconstruct those Ten Commandments. I've got to go get them, I don't know them all off-hand. Hang on. Wait a minute. It seems that Moses might have broken the first set when he got angry about the Golden Calf. Then there's a whole lot of other questions. I just ran across this site-


It also seems there is a Protestant, a Catholic and a Hebrew ten commandments.

Well, I'll just grab one of them and get started.

Whoa... the Protestant and Hebrew ones are kind of verbose, you'd have thought that would have been more likely of the Catholic's but they're as sparse as can be. So I'll go with the Catholic one and then adlib if I need to.

1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt not have strange gods before me.

Well, that seems okay...but it does beg the question of; who is who? I know there's only one God so it's not a problem for me. But your basic fundie from any religion, why, that's just an excuse to make everyone else a heretic based on the assumption that they are worshipping the wrong guy.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Now this one, generally it seems that people associate this with swearing, to me it means asking and not believing, or calling on God for 'stuff'. There's a boy crying 'wolf' in here somewhere too.

3. Remember thou keep the Sabbath Day (usually there's a "and keep it holy" but I don't see that here.)

Hmm. "Go Packers!" (smarmy British sotto voce) "Wood's is signaling for his 7 iron. Brian the green's a good 60 yards here with the bunker right in the approach. The crowd has gone dead quiet as Tiger addresses the ball." Now this one is a little strange. I figure all of the days are holy, just as every inch of the Earth is sacred ground. Anyway, it looks like most of America is going to Hell on this one.

4. Honor thy Father and thy Mother.

This one might make you think of Japanese ancestor worship but to me it means Heaven and Earth. It's usually followed with, "so that your days might be long" I think. Then again, is that a good thing? What if you have a terrible life? Long is good?

5. Thou shalt not kill.

I think we can all agree on this one. But since Cain brained Abel it hasn't been much of a restraint. Fundie's are big time behind killing Iraqi's and anyone who isn't a convert, so this one must be open to interpretation. bush, being chosen by god, obviously gets a pass here.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Uh oh. I may be up for serial offender here, but they made me do it. Okay, I can see this one as a necessary for social control. It could get a little wild if everybody were actually fucking everybody else. However, the big problem is, that everybody is definitely 'thinking about' fucking everybody else. Isn't this the lusting in the heart one? Everybody is going to Hell over this one.

7. Thou shalt not steal.

This one creates no argument. This one makes sense. bush and his people get a pass on this one because it's in the national interest. It's not important for you to know why; that's also in the national interest.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Now I like this one but this is probably the most broken commandment. bush and his people get a pass on this one because it's in the national interest.
But my question here is; what if the person in question lives around the corner, or over in the next subdivision? or a member of another political party? They wouldn't actually be your neighbor would they?

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.

I might want to borrow her but I can honestly say I don't want to keep her. Lot's of people are going to Hell over this one, especially in New York and California...probably any urban area actually.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.

This one was better when it mentioned "your neighbors ass.". This one was a big problem for me. I have definitely coveted some asses. But it wasn't like I wanted to own them (except in the "who's your daddy?" sense); maybe take it out on the highway and see what it will do, sure...but it will be back in your garage before you miss it. Most of America is definitely going to Hell over this one because I believe it includes your neighbors goods and property and what all. bush and his people get a pass here because it's in the national interest.

Shouldn't this last one be part of number 9? It looks like they only had nine and it didn't look good.

I'm afraid I have to go with the Eightfold Path for myself.

Now this is Old Testament stuff and there weren't any Christians then, nor Catholics. This is a Jewish trip the way I see it. Christ said something about the greatest commandment being to love your neighbor. And I expect that covers most of the preceding in application and infers the rest.

Now if you read the link I gave, (which I just found as I was writing this; I typed in 'the ten commandments' in Google and it was the first hit.) they got the 'first tables of stone' and the 'second tables of stone'...there's some dicey stuff there; especially that 'first born' thing and leaving God's fat out all night. I'm a first born so this either makes me feel real good or big time apprehensive; then I remember...right...right...God is Love.

The truth is, I love God, more than anything there is and I am as certain of God's existence as I am of the fact that I am typing this. But I'm afraid I've got to say that I like your glaze-eyed fundie fruitcake take about as much as I like Disco music or fast food.

And the thing with these fundies is they can get real nasty. Over at this other site one of them was pretty excited about the prospect of heading for Iran. And it doesn't take very long for the insults to start flowing. Of course I'm no saint here, but I'm not making up rules for other people either, nor am I sending most of the world to Hell in my head every day. Nor am I bugging the shit out of people to believe what I myself do not understand.

Well, we don't need much more than a little Crusader history, The Conquistadores, the Inquisition and the Salem Witch Trials to tell us what happens when people interpret scripture according to what they want. And it's a fact that when you repress your sexual nature, eventually the weakest link is going to go.

I wish 'most everyone' well. I know their happiness does not have to match mine, nor does their road have to parallel mine. And I realize that regardless of what they say, I'm not heading to any bad places, with or without their idea of who and what they think God is. Where I may not wish some well is due to the fact that I support the greater good and so I do hope for the total failure of the plans of those who seek to rape or enslave others.

Like Bob said, "most likely you go your way and I'll go mine." It's a big world and there's a lot to do here. I prefer other realms myself and would rather be elsewhere- but all things in time. We each go through our days and… I hope, for each of us, it is with the intention of a finer understanding and a broader, more embracing heart.

What commandments I obey are those which are a part of me. When I go against myself I cannot continue for long. Soon enough I am sorry and I set out to try again; to improve. The more we understand, the fewer rules we need. It should be natural to do the right thing. It's a real shame that it isn't.


Anonymous said...

Dear Les,
Just keep on shinning your diamond flashlight for us so that the truth becomes MORE VISIBLE.

Thank you for your insights!



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